oLd mEmOrIeS.......

Its been almost 5 yrs, i have not celebrated any festival....kinda forgot what these festivals are all about...it always feel like missing something from my life, and everytime i try to find that thing, the answer comes in the form of moments...i m missing moments in my life....

No matter where i m now and it doesnt matters what i m doing now, but the truth remains as i am missing my life completely. Nothing to deal with the joys and enjoyments of life that were typical to Ambar, but the fact is i m missing Ambar in myself. Sometimes i feel that being Ambar forever is not easy.........

I tried so hard to pull myself back into my life, but everytime just one thing bounced back....my memories of the past. No matter you try your best to keep these memories away, they come back...  Everytime you look yourself in the mirror, you wonder where is that old face of yours has gone....where r those careless jokes, where r those thoughtless thoughts and most importantly you miss your companions.

You push yourself into those memories and they pull you in themselves... just like old friends, like your very own griefs and exactly like your existence's deepest secrets....everything confronts itself into a totally different perspective. You might have all the things you ever wanted, but still you miss something...some miss their serenity, some miss their independence, some miss their dependence and some miss life......

Still the life goes on and mercilessly insists you to go on without looking back. and you feel like lost. But being lost is not the last thing, the last thing remains as truth. When you face urself, you know the truth and when you look back, you find where it came from and then you find the worst thing of all, no going back to change the things........

i m now waiting for the history to repeat itself so that i can change things this time when i need the things to be corrected the most..... will the time come and will the prodigy of life allow me to do that, its a past thought i care a f**k abt it.....Smile has been my greatest power and i will keep smiling, Lets see what changes with smiles.........................

wid love....
Ambar