hEaViEr tHaN hEaVeN...

Hey guys.... 

So once again all of you have to go through a pain. 'Coz I am writing again. And this time the topic isn’t going to be anything else but my all time fave -- Kurt, Kurt Cobain. It isn’t going to be about Kurt or anyone else, but me... Me, me and only me, but yes, dedicated to Kurt. I think this bit I can do for him.... At least...

 It goes as:

HEAVIER THAN THE HEAVENS

I don't know about the world,

And I don't even know about the generations,

I always wanted to be lost in myself,

And my very own world seems heavier than the heavens...

I find myself smiling at moments,

And fading heart's color on the walls of crayons,

I feel my childhood instincts rising again,

And my conscience isn't ready to bear the wagons...

I die and take birth each day for myself,

And vaporize my tears in the scorching heat of the sun,

I recreate myself for the world all the time,

And my each reincarnation is heavier than the heavens...

In the end, as I prefer to end all the things on the note that actually was Kurt's last statement(though written): "Its better to burn out than to fade away..."

Nevermind...

Ambar...

FiRsT sMoKE oF tHe yEaR...

Hellozzzzzz once again.. So..... I am back with yet another poem of mine... And the story behind it is really special. Though its name is First smoke of the year, first of all it was not written on the 1st of jan or so.... And this poem was written on the 14th February 2006, that means in the times when I used to smoke. And it was me, remembering the start of the year and the night.. Lets go on with the poem:-

FIRST SMOKE OF THE YEAR

That was the first night of the fame,

And I greeted it with,

a part of tear, a part of rain.....

I just didn't think of the loss or gain,

And I reburnt my soul with,

a part of smoke, a part of flame.....

Paranoid of sadness kept hitting me again and again,

And I lie buried under it with,

a part of grave, a part of sand.....

Life challanged me everytime to be in the frame,

And I kept losing in it with,

a part of time, a part of game.....

Regards,

Ambar

Untitled....!!!

Helllloooozzzz once again... Today I am going to present a poem whic i actually wrote about 7 years ago, but fortunately or unfortunately, I was never ever be able to make out a title for this poem. It deals mainly with the end of the kargil war... And I am calling it Untitled.... mind it, its the best name I can think of this poem.

UNTITLED......

To this day, to this day,

The ever elusive answers engulf,

the raging fire within,

the infinite train of questions,

moves at cosmic speed...

I turn to god,

I turn to the devil,

I turn to the god men,

but the questions multiply...

The sun rays absorb all the water,

And I lie buried beneath the sands,

The desert stretches,

beyond the lands...

The temple tower topple,

And hang in the air,

echoes from the minarets,

end up in wounded silence...

My questions and me sink into another,

confronting everything and finally nothing,

Not for nothing, 

A question mark, shapes my being...

iTs mY PaRaDiSo.....

I exactly know whats going on your mind.... that what the heck..... another poem and another pain.... ha ha ha.... that's why i say---- "JHELO JHELO....", But before that, some GYAAN about it..

Anyways, don't be confused with this poem or the word. It has nothing to do with actual paradise or something. Actually, Paradiso word comes from a theatre named PARADISO which is in Amsterdam. Paradiso is a music venue and cultural center in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. The venue is inside an old church, which has been transformed into a music venue.

Paradise was opened by the city in 1968 as a publicly-subsidized youth entertainment center. Along with the nearby Melkweg (Milky Way), it soon became synonymous with the hippie counterculture and the rock music of that era. It was one of the first locations in which the use and sale of soft drugs was tolerated. From the mid-1970s, Paradiso became increasingly associated with punk and new wave music, although it continued to program a wide variety of artists. Glen Matlock played his last gig with the Sex Pistols at the Paradiso. Starting in the 1980s, raves and themed dance parties became frequent. In May 1995, the Rolling Stones played two semi- acoustic concerts at the Paradiso, Scalped tickets reportedly sold for many thousands of dollars. Recorded tracks from these concerts were released on the Stones' stripped album later that year. Keith Richards said that the Paradiso concerts were the best live shows the Stones ever did.

And here is me, actually imaging about my own music place where i could rest, play, listen and give my music a world.... So, here is the poem now, with the title as "Its my Paradiso".

ITS MY PARADISO

I wanna decorate it,

I wanna make it look good,

I wanna fill it with,

abundant laughter and sufficient food.

Though it had no walls,

though it had no woods,

No roof, no base,

and I realize no moods.

Ambitions multiply, reality fools,

'coz I love to,

live in dreams,

though they will never come true...

Ambar.

FiRsT sMoKE Of tHe yEaR...

So the poem man is back... heee heeee heeeee.......

And this one is called, 

FIRST SMOKE OF THE YEAR

That was the first night of the fame,

And I greeted it with,

a part of tear,

a part of rain...

I just didn't think of the loss or gain,

And I reburnt my soul with,

a part of smoke,

a part of flame...

Paranoid of sadness keep hitting me again and again,

And I lie beneath under it with,

a part of grave,

a part of sand...

Life challanged me every time to be in the frame,

And I keep on losing in it with,

a part of time ,

a part of game...

Ambar...

LiFe...

Hello Hello Hello..... So I am back.... And everybody must be cursing that why this guy keeps coming back every second day....... but I am the best in whatever I do and I am doing the same right now....Pakaoing you all..... HEE HEE HEE

Ahammm ahammm... So this poem is called "LIFE"

LIFE

Life is a lie,

to live again and die...

Even for that,

I need your hand,

to give it an end,

to give it a cry...

I feel everything in vain,

when I see tears in your eye,

Yes, I am saying that,

Because its getting to be,

Alone, dark and dry...

Ambar

BeCaUsE....

Here comes another one, to make you feel more bored.... All the best...

BECAUSE...

I gave it a smile,

I gave it a breath,

I played it with a zeal,

I doomed it with wrath...

All efforts I put in,

to make it pleasent,

All I can do for it,

to build it more efficient...

I failed at every moment,

and just one thought,

hovers every second in my mind,

that " Life is not always to live"...

This way I go in every time,

In my thoughts, inside my heart...

Ambar

bReAkIn dOwN tHe sTreEtS oF hEaVeN...

Here comes another poem from me so that all of you can curse me more and more... However, this was written in a damn serious mood and to every extent, is very true....

Breaking down the streets of heaven

I feel thirsty like the sand,

My thirst is for something beyond the land,

What I feel is what I write,

Depicting the start of dreams and a dreadful end...

There came a drop,

Breaking down the streets of heaven,

Shakes my thirst and shakes my being,

And the mirage stretches through the sands...

The same exhausting thirst,

hovers me twenty-four-seven,

Breaks my heart and tells me lies,

To make me lie buried in the desert land...

Seems like I've felt thirst for the first time,

And it seems to be growing as a mythical trend,

For the first time, I felt like this,

First time, I felt it pouring,

And again I taste my thirst,

Creeping in me like the sand...

Ambar

LiViNg oN tHe EdGE...

So I am back with my blog thing..... And this time, I am going to post my poems.... One by one.... Don't be scared, U can actually comment on them.. So if you are planning of cursing me over this, you can certainly do that.... And here is my first poem that has the title---- 

"LIVING ON THE EDGE"

Life is showing what it has,

I am feeling it is rash,

Once again I am drowned out,

Once again I feel,

Living on the edge....

Soul has burnt, mind plays game, heart is tender enough to take the wrath,

Desert is stretching out its panorama, like in the doom it is taking a bash,

And today it means enough for me,

Living on the edge....

What I have is, fistful of death, some new friends and some old knacks,

Heart beats enough to show some cracks, still its something inside me that holds the rack,

That's why I lived it, 

Living on the edge...

Ambar

cOnScIeNcE ...

Walking the line that has been drawn by your own conscience, does not make any difference. What matters is the intensity with which you walk the line... Fraternity doesn't change your way of living your life. And here comes the thing that causes all the changes in your life. Eventually, its also the thing that actually matters the most... Yes I am talking about the "Conscience"...

Conscience, a word, highly misconceived, mostly forgotten and thoroughly misunderstood... If we look at the meaning of it as we conceive it to be, its just a sense of judging between right or wrong, decent or indecent, logical or hypothetical etc.. At the same point of time, the word also represents a point of discontent in relation to the Hybanicus where Amon (Greek god of male fertility) disregards Isis (Greek goddess of Feminine beauty, also known as Venus) of her beauty just because Isis can actually decide and propagate that he is not a symbol of male anarchy anymore. At this instant, the judgment that makes Isis leave the heaven is called Hybanicus in the Greek mythology which literally, means Conscience(in Italian and Spartan languages)...
And the Roman Bible says "When "Gentiles" who do not possess the law carry out its precepts by the light of nature, then, although they have no law, they are their own law; they show that what the law requires is inscribed on their hearts, and to this their conscience gives supporting witness, since their own thoughts argue the case, sometimes against them, sometimes even for them."












François Chifflart (1825-1901), La Conscience (after Victor Hugo)





Now, looking at the original meaning of the word, and going deep into the origination of this word, which was derived by Gregory III in 325 B.C., it was actually a mixed word for the "convocation of Science" (being science as a word for the referral to the eternal power in ancient Greek). And in the word of literacy, where Conscience means the moral sense of judging between right and wrong, when we look for the literal meaning of this word, on "en.wikipedia.org" we find this line--- "Although there is no generally accepted definition of what conscience is or what its role in ethical decision-making is, there are three main factors that determine which stance is adopted.

1. Religious views (including the Divine Command Theory, the works of John Henry Newman, Aquinas Joseph Butler,Dietrich Bonhoffer and others).
2. Secular views (including the psychological, physiological,sociological,humanitarian and authoritarian views.)
3. Philosophical views (including Hegel's Philosophy of Mind)

And this hurts my conscience. If its original meaning is convocation of science, I am happy. Even if its related to the religion, what's bad in it? Moreover, when the word was devised, it was in the relation to the god himself, so this melts up the thing and the conscience wins...

I don't know where this thing gonna end, but my ways are certainly conscience oriented and i understand that God has made some things ugly and some things really beautiful. Actually God created everything in duality, something for everything and someone for everyone. So if God has created Conscience, he must have created something opposite to the conscience as well.

And to the people who know me, as you must have guessed by now, I am desperately waiting for the opposite feeling to conscience. I don't know how does it matter to me but I just don't want to decide what is wrong and what is not. In the end, I wish i will be conscious enough to avoid any conscience-less decision.

Regards,
Ambar

St. aNgEr....!!!!

If there is something with the name as conscience, i am missing it for sure.. Don't know whether it is due to the thought process that is rushing through my mind or is it the state of an unconscious mind that my blood starts flowing wildly the moment i think about all the things. I am still in the dilemma that is it because of the excitement or is it the anger.. Or it can also be the frustration that sometimes mount upon and dances hard but i am not able to understand that if its frustration, why do i feel irate??.. Ooops...too much of confusion right??? Anyways leave it... I am not going to discuss any such thing right now.

The thing i am about to talk about might be shocking for some and it might be rocking for all the other people. Shocking because its coming from Ambar and rocking because its really coming from Ambar.

So finally, Ambar is writing about it...... -----------ANGER------------

It can be fear for some, it can be expression for other or it can be the way for mass and it might be the attitude itself, but when i hear this word, the first thing comes into my mind is a song from "METALLICA"--ST. ANGER...it goes as---



"St. Anger round my neck
St. Anger round my neck
He never gets respect
St. Anger round my neck

St. Anger round my neck
He never gets respect
St. Anger round my neck
He never gets respect

F*** it all and no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
I need a voice to let myself
To let myself go free
F*** it all and f*** regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
Medallion noose I hang myself
St. Anger round my neck

I feel my world shake
I can't look away
Hard to see clear
Is it me
Or is it fear?

I'm madly in anger with you

I want my anger to be healthy
I want my anger just for me
I need my anger not to control
I want my anger to be me

I need set my anger free
I need to set my anger free
Set it free!"


There was no point quoting the complete song but the beauty of lyrics compelled me to include it. Just follow the lines and you will find a mind bender in it. Anger is a saint(a god) in the starting which never gets respect and later when the lyricist is fearing it to be inside himself, he wants to set it free . I believe you must be catching my intention now.

Anger for me is not a form of expression, neither its something to relate with human behavior, its just music. Amazed??? Well, i can understand. I am not talking about the song anymore. I am talking about the behavior of the anger itself. Just like music, it effects the most when its in a rhythm with a predetermined focus point or foci, it sounds best when it goes smoothly, rises for a moment and then goes off like it was never there, most of the people like it to be flying and of course, it doesn't have to be loud all the time.

When the lights go off, we need a candle, a fire or a lamp, but the anger is the only fire that actually make the light of conscience go off. Not a word to know, not a topic to think about, its just a feeling. If I love music, i need to love anger as well. Can't help, its my style of music. In a similar way, that i can't write a blog until unless some or the other thing doesn't make me think about a topic. Every feeling, every thought, every emotion, every expression and every answer to these phenomenons needs food to propagate the flow of the seeds of these restrictions over your mind and if we are talking about anger, then it has to be propagated through a food for it. And again, brain triumphs over the heart and the food comes with face up as the repulse and the seed is music. Nothing bad, nothing sour, just need.. Need for music, need for peace and yeah, need for anger.

And to close the curtains, one last thing that i heard somewhere-- "Be angry, it just makes your mind excrete what is rotten and stinky inside your brain..." :-)

with "anger"
AMBAR