Some thoughts need people, some thoughts just need existence, and some thoughts need that existence to burn down. I need the thoughts to burn out, coz if the amber remains, it will burn by heart out.
I am tired of the pain. I'm tired of the powerlessness.
I had an angioplasty last week. Seems like the last nail in the coffin this body has become. The last ounce of power finally going off my body. When nothing was in my control, and it was about 90% of my life, my body was the one thing holding me straight. Now, after a knee replacement, a shoulder replacement, two broken ankles, a weary head and three stents later, my body doesn't feel my own.
For the first time in my life, the thought of ending it all fluttered in my mind. Not that I'll act on it, but loneliness of it all, does make it sound like a good option.
May I sleep and never wake up again. May the mind triumph over the heart that hates the cowardice of it.
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